Registered Counsellor Sami Rose shares her experience of body image, diet culture, exercise and periods, and why moving away from optimisation helped her build a more peaceful relationship with her body.
Name: Sami Rose
Pronouns: She/her
Day job: Registered Counsellor
Location: Brisbane
What do you do, and what led you into counselling?
I never planned to be a counsellor. Originally, I started studying counselling just to have the additional skills to benefit my coaching, as I was frequently encountering women with body image/eating issues and wanted to be educated and qualified enough to help them! It’s an area that I’ve struggled with myself in the past, so I was really interested in deep-diving therapeutic modalities to better help my coaching clients, but I ended up falling in love with counselling and slowly transitioned over to full-time private practice.
How did what you learn change the way you think about health?
Moving away from ‘optimisation culture’ definitely helped. I used to see health as the very best efforts, doing things ‘correctly’, following the most ideal training splits and macro tracking to make sure what I was eating was the right ratios and portions, and while that might be healthy for some people, it certainly wasn’t for me.
I reached a point where I had to take a step back and say, ‘okay, what if trying to do things perfectly is actually causing me MORE stress, more of a fractured relationship with food, and more obsession with controlling my body?’ and once that clicked, a whole new way of living really opened up for me.
What’s your relationship with your body like now?
MUCH more at peace. I won’t say it’s perfect. I think it’s very common to have the occasional off day where you’re a little more self-critical, but when it comes down to it, I just think about my body less.
It’s not that I wouldn’t change a single thing if I had a magic wand, it’s just that it doesn’t feel as important as it used to, because I put my energy into other things that feel more useful or impactful.
What about the relationship with your period? Has that changed?
I’m much more compassionate with myself when my body fluctuates along with my hormones. I used to be really hard on myself if I was bloated from my period or ovulation time, and it would often trigger worsened thoughts about myself and my body, but as time went on it’s much easier to be understanding that bodies ebb and flow and it doesn’t have to mean better or worse. It’s just a different point in the month.
How do your mood, energy, appetite or motivation change across your cycle?
I find my bloating and physical discomfort is worst around ovulation time, but my mood, energy and appetite are definitely most affected in the 3 or so days before my period arrives.
When I was younger, I tended to have more cramping, heavier periods, and more of the physical impacts, but throughout my late 30s my period has become lighter, with much less of a physical change, but far more mental/emotional impact.
I definitely notice my mood gets pretty funky for a day or two pre-period, but understanding that it happens, and passes quickly does help me to not get stuck in it and just let it move through.
Does that change how you exercise, eat, work or rest?
I tend to just listen to my body. For the most part it doesn’t change my exercise or food, but I do find I need more rest/recovery time at different points in my cycle, so I just go with the flow as to if I need to be a bit more gentle with myself at different points in the month.
What do you believe about health, food or exercise now that you once disagreed with?
That there’s one ‘right’ way to do things. Every body is different and it’s important to find what works for you as an individual!
Working with women with body image and eating issues, how do we lose touch with what our bodies need?
I think the biggest example is when we listen to what diet culture or societal standards pressure us into. When we listen to external rules and pressures it really inhibits our ability to check in with our intuition or reflect on our individual nuances, and that can really create a disconnect from our bodies.
How do you tell self-care from “wellness” driven by control?
A good check-point is to question how you’d feel if you DON’T participate in the behaviour. If not doing something, say not exercising as much as you normally would, causes a feeling of anxiety or panic, it’s likely rooted in external pressure and a need for control.
It’s common in times of stress and overwhelm to zero-in on things like food and our body to regain a sense of autonomy, so working through this with a mental health professional can be a really great way to arm yourself with more useful coping tools instead of unhelpful habits in the long term.
With so much pressure to optimise everything, when does healthy behaviour become too much?
I think everyone has their own line in the sand as to where it’s too much for them as an individual, but in general a good indicator is how impactful it is on other areas of your life or your values.
If, for example, optimising your workouts means that you see ‘results’ with your fitness, but your sleep quality, mood, energy, social life, or ability to focus at work begin to suffer, it’s probably a good time to review where a better point of balance is for you.
Unfortunately we can’t optimise everything all at once, so finding a happy medium is so important.
What do you wish women understood about food around their period?
That it’s completely normal to fluctuate. Criticising yourself for craving more sweets in the days leading up to your period is only going to shame you into unhelpful behaviours like binge eating or forced restriction, so being able to understand the ebbs and flows of your hormones can lead to more self compassion and thoughtful choices vs trying to manually override everything you’re feeling just to eat exactly the way you do the rest of the month.
What’s your advice when your period derails your food or exercise habits?
When I have clients who struggle with this, we often create a Plan A and Plan B to follow. Plan A is your usual plan in terms of structuring workouts, food, steps etc, based on your usual consistent efforts. Plan B is what your MINIMUM efforts could be if you’re feeling drained, this could be period related, or even stress, sickness, busy weeks etc, so that you’re not ‘off track’, you’re just opting for Plan B when needed.
This might mean Plan A is working out 4-5 times per week, and Plan B might be a gentle walk, or trading a workout for a gentle at-home stretch session if needed.
I find that helps get out of the ‘de-railing’ headspace and makes one feel more adaptable and autonomous.
How do you know when your body needs movement versus rest?
Usually a good indicator is how you’re recovering. If you’re noticing more soreness or fatigue than usual, that’s a good sign to go easy for at least a day or two and see how things feel.
In saying that, sometimes a little movement can help shake off a low-energy day, so if you’re unsure, it could be good to just start with something gentle like a walk or some stretching, and use that to gauge whether it should be a rest day, or just a slightly go-easier day.
What have you stopped doing because it wasn’t helping your mental or physical health?
Counting calories. Nothing has made me more obsessed and stressed, so it’s been great not focusing on any of that in the past several years!
What have we normalised around periods that we shouldn’t have?
As a society I think we’ve let mood changes and signs of PMDD continue for far too long without sufficient studies and treatment plans to help women who really suffer with their mental health in relation to their cycle.
It’s something as women I think we’ve had to just take on the chin and accept it’s part of life for so many of us, but sadly there’s a huge lack of support and action from a medical perspective, so I think that’s a HUGE gap to be filled.
What are women still getting wrong about their bodies?
That we need to be in control of our appearance. We’re sold this promise that if we just diet, train, follow the rules that diet culture thrusts upon us then we’ll fit the beauty standard and it’s just that easy, except it’s not!
All bodies are different, and worthy, and respond differently to stimuli. Even if you follow the most perfect diet and exercise plan, there’s no guarantee you’ll look a certain way, so I’m all for rejecting those external cues and finding what’s right for you, letting your body just respond naturally as a by-product of taking care of yourself.
If you’re stuck in restriction, overeating and guilt, where do you start?
It can be a hard cycle to break and is often quite nuanced and layered, so I’d definitely recommend chatting to a mental health professional who specialises in these areas to help you identify the root of these habits and create healthier pathways moving forward, whether that’s changed behaviours, or finding better coping tools for anything going on underneath!
What does a genuinely healthy relationship with your body look like?
It should feel relatively peaceful. To me, it’s just not thinking about appearance as much, and focusing on how things feel, creating behaviours from a place of self care.
What would you tell your younger self about food, exercise, periods and your body?
Oh gosh where do I start! I wish I could tell her that it’s okay to not look like the girls in magazines, to not compare so much to what other people are doing or feeling. We are all different and that’s more than okay! Life is way too short to spend it trying to squeeze yourself into someone else’s standards.
That your body is a vessel that carries you through life. It’s okay if that vessel looks or feels different to what you expect it, but don’t let it stop you from doing the things you want to do!
Do them scared. Do them before you’re ready. Do them imperfectly. But make sure the priority is to do them!
MY CYCLE
- My period in 3 words: Punctual, but mentally unpredictable.
- Period self-care toolkit: Sleep, comfy clothes and compassion!
- Most underrated period hack? A loooong bubble bath a day or two before my period arrives when I’m at my most moody and tired!
- Contraception of choice: This has changed a lot over the years. I was on the oral contraceptive pill for more than a decade but as my hormones changed throughout my 30s I found it way too impactful on my mood and now just opt for condoms alone and abstaining around ovulation time to be extra cautious.
- On day 1, you'll find me: Doing my usual thing, but in much comfier clothes.
- Scarlet pick: Period G-String. Game-changer!