When desire drops, many women assume something is wrong with them. Sex coach Alicia Schifferle sees a different pattern. Burnout, nervous system overload and years of poor sex education often sit quietly underneath what we label “low libido”.

Based in Broome, Western Australia, Alicia works with women to rebuild sexual confidence by helping them regulate their nervous systems, reconnect with their bodies and learn what pleasure looks like for them.

 

Name: Alicia Schifferle

Pronouns: SHE/HER

Day job: Part-time Sex Coach & part time Podiatrist

Location: Broome, Western Australia

 

Describe your work in one sentence.

I help women get their libido back and have the best sex of their lives by coaching them to regulate their nervous systems, get out of their heads and into their bodies, dismantle limiting beliefs, learn what they like, and communicate it.

 

What do women usually come to you hoping to fix?

Most women are holding onto some kind of story that something is wrong with them, that their body isn’t good enough, not working correctly, or is ‘broken’. It’s so deeply ingrained that women are the problem that it often takes a while to see that it’s a societal issue.
Most women who come to me are looking for answers around how to orgasm by themselves or with a partner, how to increase their sexual desire, improve their sexual confidence, build their sexual IQ, or communicate better.

 

What’s really going on underneath that?

Most of us are living as little floating heads, very disconnected from our bodies. We’ve been taught to override our bodies and push through when we’re tired or in pain. Our nervous systems are dysregulated, and our bodies don’t know what to do with silence.
This is usually where we start. I teach women how to feel safe to slow down and regulate their nervous system, so they don’t feel like a lion is chasing them when they want to have sex. When women can stop, they can start to feel.

As women feel more, that’s when we begin working through sexual shame and limiting beliefs. Many women carry a sense of disgust towards their bodies, or even towards themselves as sexual beings. So, we work through the belief systems that block them from leaning in.

Sexual shame has prevented many women from masturbating, which means they don’t know how to build pleasure in their own bodies or what they like. We dismantle the idea that something is wrong with them and give them the education and tools to understand their bodies.

Lastly, women have been taught to be quiet, not make a fuss, and to people-please to receive love. This stops women from communicating. We unpack good-girl conditioning and people-pleasing and give women tools to express what they want.

How often is “low libido” actually burnout?

Oh my god, so much. I don't have stats, but I consider it an epidemic. You won’t feel like sex if your body thinks a lion is chasing it.

Our nervous systems get burnt out from stressful lives and the stress we carry. Something more women need to understand is that unprocessed emotions create stress in the body.

Women often carry a huge emotional load between their children, their partner, and themselves. Add a caring career on top, and you’ve got a hot pot of emotional stress. Everyone needs to be more mindful of their boundaries and how they regulate stress every day.

 

Can desire exist in a constantly stressed nervous system?

I don’t think genuine pleasure and desire can be accessed in a body that’s in protection mode. Pleasure requires deep presence and a sense of surrender to yourself or your partner.

The problem is that the old animal brain won’t let the body fully surrender when it’s hypervigilant, always scanning for the next threat. You might have sex and even feel some pleasure, but you won’t access everything your body has to offer unless it feels safe first.

 

How does period pain affect sexual confidence?

All pain affects sexual confidence and the quality of sex. It can be hard to feel like yourself when you’re in pain, bloated, or emotional.

The important thing is to show yourself kindness and compassion and listen to what your body wants. If you’re experiencing PMS, sex may look different. Honour that without guilt or shame.

 

What happens when someone stops trusting their body?

This question makes my heart ache because so many women carry a deep dislike, disgust, or distrust of their bodies. When you start seeing your body as an inconvenience, you begin to distance yourself from it, treating it as something ‘other’ than yourself. This separation creates internal friction. It’s very hard to feel acceptance or love for yourself when there’s an active war going on inside you.

You struggle to connect with yourself. There’s a residue of ickiness, self-critical thoughts beating you up. You become a bully to yourself. This creates stress, contributes to a dysregulated nervous system, and reinforces beliefs that you’re not good enough, not worthy enough. And the cycle continues.

Do women override their own boundaries in intimacy?

Yes, all the time. Many women were never taught boundaries. Instead, they were taught to look after others at their own expense.

People-pleasing is rife in the bedroom. You see it when women go along with sex that feels obligatory, morph into the kind of sexual partner they think their partner wants or can’t ask for what they like because it feels too scary. They don’t direct their partner because they’re worried about hurting their feelings, and resentment starts to build because their needs and desires aren’t being expressed.

Learning to listen to their bodies is the first step. From there, they can recognise what an embodied yes or no feels like and learn to express it.

 

One daily practice to rebuild body trust?

I think the biggest thing women can do is learn what a ‘yes’ and a ‘no’ feel like in their body. Then, when something is asked of them, they can tune into their bodily sensations for guidance.

This helps women trust their intuition instead of overriding themselves based on what they think they should do. Over time, it builds self-trust and helps them make decisions that align with their boundaries and feel good to them.

 

How can cycle awareness change intimacy?

Being aware of your cycle can be incredibly helpful to your sex life for a few reasons. There will be patterns that are unique to you. For instance, some women find that in the luteal or late luteal phase, they experience a natural drop in sexual desire and need more self-care. It may also be harder to become fully aroused or orgasm. In the follicular phase and around ovulation, many women notice stronger sexual desire and find it easier to orgasm. During menstruation, some women feel like sex, and some don’t. The important thing is to listen to your body and follow what feels good.

In terms of the sex itself, when you are menstruating, your cervix is lower, so positions that felt good during ovulation may not feel as comfortable. More supportive positions like spooning or side-lying can feel better. When your cervix is higher, positions that allow deeper penetration, like doggy style, can feel good.

 

How can couples stay connected during pain flares?

Once you have a broader understanding of how you can connect sexually or intimately in ways that support how both partners are feeling that day, this becomes much easier. I advise couples to create an intimacy list of everything that helps them feel connected. That might include eye gazing, sharing a connected meal, playing a connection game, right through to more sexual activities. This way, on painful or heavy days, you can choose something from the list that reflects how you’re feeling while still staying connected.

 

Why are periods still taboo in 2026?

We’ve come a long way, but it can still feel secretive. Not long ago, tampon ads weren’t allowed to show real blood and used blue ink instead. Periods are a central part of being a woman and part of the beautiful messiness of being human.

Women’s bodies and pleasure have long been shrouded in shame unless they fit the unrealistic ‘clean’ and ‘youthful’ image set by patriarchal society. Anything outside that has been hidden.

 

What’s the one message every woman should hear about her body?

You are not broken. You just had shit sex education and don’t have the right tools yet.

 

MY CYCLE

• My period in 3 words: Sassy, cleansing, intuitive
• Period self-care toolkit: Period undies, heat-pack, chocolate and yin yoga
• Most underrated period hack? Period undies with pockets for your heat pad. Devine.
• Contraception of choice: Fertility Awareness Method + condoms 
  
• On day 1, you'll find me: Eating chocolate on the coach in my period undies 
• Scarlet pick: Scarlet Period High-Waist Pocket Brief