From period sex to self-pleasure rituals, author Suzannah Weiss’ here to remind us that our cycles are not just normal, they’re wise, sexy, and worth celebrating.
Name: Suzannah Weiss
Pronouns: She/her or they/them
Day job: Writer, sexologist, therapist
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Describe your work in one sentence.
I write books to help women develop an empowered relationship with their bodies (most recently Eve’s Blessing: Uncovering the Lost Pleasure Behind Female Pain) and empower all people in their sex lives and relationships through therapy and education.
What’s the bigger journey that brought you to where you are now?
I grew up in a culture where women’s bodies were mainly talked about as objects for the male gaze. There was little discussion about how women could enjoy their own bodies on their own terms. At university, I experienced a sexual awakening and realised that my body could exist for me. As I explored my sexuality, I discovered how short-changed women are when it comes to our bodies. We do not learn much about our capacity for pleasure, but we learn a lot about our capacity for pain, often to the point that we are taught to expect it. Pain during our periods, during childbirth, and during first-time sex. I’ve done a lot of work to break free from these assumptions, so I’m hoping to help other women as well.
What does period pleasure mean to you?
I call one chapter of Eve’s Blessing “Period Pleasure” because we don’t frequently acknowledge the pleasurable aspects of menstruation. For instance, some people say they experience enhanced creativity, libido, or mental clarity. For me, it feels easier to rest and relax; I often feel more “in the flow” with my writing, and my sexual sensitivity is enhanced due to the increased pelvic blood flow.
What inspired Eve’s Blessing, and what do you hope people take from it?
The primary inspiration for Eve’s Blessing was my adolescence, when I was taught only negative things about menstruation, childbirth, and sex. It felt as if being a woman was dangerous. I was told that I’d be emotionally unstable and in pain every month, that becoming a mother was risky and traumatic, and that sex would hurt initially and may leave me feeling used. As I grew up, I realised the cultural narrative around these experiences was [often] far worse than the experiences themselves.
Why are antidepressants and orgasm still taboo?
When I was 17, I was put on Prozac with no discussion of sexual side effects, which are common for this class of antidepressants (SSRIs) because they affect a neurotransmitter called serotonin that’s important for the sexual response cycle. What was most frustrating was having difficulty orgasming after starting this medication and being told it’s normal for women not to orgasm. I interviewed another woman who had these side effects for years after stopping the medication. These medications should be available, but we need to be told exactly how they may affect us.
What would you say to someone ashamed of their period or vaginal health?
I would encourage them to learn about other cultures that have more respect for menstruation and female bodies. Some Indigenous cultures, for instance, publicly celebrate girls’ first periods as transitions into adulthood. The way we frame menstruation has an impact on its physical, emotional, and psychological effects.
How’s your relationship with your period now?
My relationship with my period has changed due to changing physical symptoms as I’ve gotten older. In my late 20s, I began to really enjoy menstruation because I realised it was easier for me to orgasm and have multiple orgasms during my period. I became comfortable acknowledging that and communicating it to partners.
What do you wish people knew about period sex and orgasms?
A woman’s sex drive increases during ovulation due to rising oestrogen and testosterone levels. Menstrual blood can also serve as natural lube. And if you feel worried about making a mess, there are waterproof blankets you can get.
What are your favourite self-pleasure rituals around your cycle?
I like to take Epsom salt baths for relaxation. I also like to eat dark chocolate. It’s a common craving because it has iron and magnesium, but I also think it’s just fun to designate a few days out of every month to eat chocolate. You can also search YouTube for yoga sequences for menstruation; this can be a relaxing way to celebrate your body. And of course, I love to hang out with and pet my cats. They are very comforting and social.
How do you support your body across your cycle?
Some research on the role of diet in menstrual pain suggests it’s best to avoid inflammatory foods like dairy products, sugar, alcohol, and animal fats during menstruation. Personally, I only change my diet if I’m experiencing discomfort. Staying hydrated is also important, and going on walks is helpful, too.
Do you plan work or life around your cycle?
I don’t do hardcore cycle-synching because I don’t find that my emotions or social preferences follow a predictable pattern. I more often play it by ear. For instance, I’ll take time off work and relax in the bathtub (try our calming Bubble Bath!) or go to yoga if I’m feeling low-energy or crampy because of my period. Or, I might have the urge to hit someone up for a booty call and realise it’s probably because I’m ovulating or menstruating.
What would you tell your teenage self about periods?
Dear teenage self, I know you’ve heard a lot of negative things about periods, but this negativity doesn’t stem from the menstrual cycle itself. It stems from the shame, misogyny, and lack of education that colour how we see this experience.
Please also know your mum’s limitations on being able to talk about such things do not reflect on you. You will find mentors who are more open. It is not shameful to talk about your menstrual cycle, nor is it embarrassing if you experience a leak or two and it becomes visible. The shame belongs to the people who judge you, not you.
Know that menstruation should not be a painful experience, and it’s important to talk to a healthcare professional if it is, because there could be an underlying issue. You might find that there are positive sides to your period, like increased sexual pleasure or a sense of calm.
Menstruation is celebrated in some cultures as a time for women to go inward, reflect on their lives, and come out with newfound wisdom. Whether or not you relate to this, menstruation is part of an important process that allows you to live a healthy life and help birth the next generation, if you wish.
What’s one thing you wish everyone knew about their cycle?
The menstrual cycle is a vital sign. Issues like period pain, long periods, missing periods, or heavy periods can point towards various health issues or hormonal imbalances. So, appreciate it if your period is a positive experience; it’s a sign that you are healthy. If it causes any problems, appreciate that too as a sign that there may be an underlying issue to address.
Why do you think periods are still so taboo?
Periods are still a taboo topic in part because men have not been included in the conversation around period positivity. There’s no reason, for instance, why fathers should not be equipped to help daughters with their periods by providing supplies and education as much as mothers.
There’s been discussion over the past few years on social media around men carrying menstrual supplies in case women or other menstruators in their lives need to use them, and I think this is an important form of allyship.
Men should also be educated on all things periods in case they have partners who menstruate and want to know, for instance, how to have great sex during menstruation or what foods or presents they can get their girlfriends to pamper them.
The period-tracking app MyFlo is great for this because it sends emails to the user’s partner to let them know where they are in their cycle and how to support them at that time.
If every woman were listening, what’s one health message you’d share?
What I’ve learned from my own journey with chronic illness is to arrive at doctors’ appointments with scepticism, think for yourself, do your own research, and be your own advocate. Get a second opinion if something doesn’t feel right to you.
MY CYCLE
- My period in 3 words: Wise, sexy, psychedelic.
- Period self-care toolkit: Epsom salts, dark chocolate (either unsweetened or sweetened with coconut sugar or honey).
- Most underrated period self-care hack: If you feel emotional, reach out to the people you love and let them know you love them.
- What’s your ultimate period outfit: Period underwear and loose-fitting dresses, preferably with a floral pattern.
- Contraception of choice: Condoms and withdrawal combined, or sometimes just one of the two if I’m on or just finished my period.
- Day 1, you’ll find me: Usually living my life as usual, perhaps going on a walk on the beach or calling a friend.
- Favourite period comfort food: Evolved hazelnut butter or coconut butter cups.
-
Best cycle movement: Yin or restorative yoga.
