Sex and desire aren’t static - they rise and fall with the rhythm of the menstrual cycle. For many of us, that can feel confusing or frustrating, especially when intimacy doesn’t align with expectations. But as Sex + Relationships Coach Katy Bampton explains, those shifts are not problems to fix, but invitations to explore. By syncing sex with the natural flow of hormones, she believes we can find more connection, more pleasure, and a lot less pressure.
Guest Post by Katy Bampton
Your hormones are basically your body’s DJ; they set the tempo. Estrogen and testosterone lift energy and desire, while progesterone can bring things down a notch. It’s not about “good” or “bad”, but about riding the natural rhythm. The more I track my cycle, the more I can plan my sex life accordingly.
Around ovulation, estrogen and testosterone peak. That combo makes me feel bolder, more playful, and extra turned on. It’s biology’s way of saying: the party’s here. Personally, this is when I feel spontaneous and drawn to high-energy, raunchy sex. Orgasms also come easier and feel more intense - it’s like everything is firing at once.
The follicular phase has a different vibe - energy is rising, mood is lifting, and I often feel adventurous and curious. It’s a great window to experiment with new toys, try playful positions, or shake up routines in bed.
Then comes the luteal phase, when progesterone rises. My body slows down and turns inward. It’s not broken libido; it’s just a different flavour of intimacy. Sometimes I crave cuddling, sensual massage, or even just the space to cry in my partner’s arms. I remind myself that desire doesn’t disappear, it just shifts into something more grounding and gentler.
Menstruation is its own season. For me, slow, nurturing touch feels best - massage, kissing, external toys. Orgasms can take longer here, but they feel deeply releasing when they come. And yes, period sex can be a total mood-booster: for some people, it eases cramps and lifts spirits. For others, it’s a hard no, and that’s okay too. Things like a splash blanket, shower play, or dim lighting help me feel comfortable when I lean in.
I’ve learned that intimacy doesn’t have to mean the same thing all cycle long. Tracking my rhythm allows me (and my partner) to stop fighting the changes and start flowing with them. Imagine planning date nights or sex when energy is high and leaning into cosiness when it’s low. It turns desire from a mystery into something you can work with.
The biggest shift is perspective: Instead of seeing “low libido” as a problem, frame it as another texture of intimacy - less fiery and more grounding. When partners understand this, there’s less confusion, more compassion, and more fun.
At the heart of it all is a simple practice: I ask myself every day, "What does my body feel today?" It’s like listening to my body’s voice without needing words. That’s the foundation of cycle-aware sex - curiosity instead of criticism, exploration instead of pressure. Because ultimately, your body isn’t a battlefield. It’s a playground, so go explore it!
